


The Devil's Delivery Service

by IreneADonovan



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Canon Disabled Character, Charles Is Being a Bit of a Brat, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles Xavier in a Wheelchair, Cuddling & Snuggling, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik is a Sweetheart, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Kissing, M/M, Smitten Erik, Tea, Teleportation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 22:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20348026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IreneADonovan/pseuds/IreneADonovan
Summary: Charles runs out of tea during a blizzard. Erik turns to a unique delivery service to remedy the problem...





	The Devil's Delivery Service

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flightinflame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/gifts).

> This all started because it was 110°F(43°C) today where I live. [flightinflame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame) offered me virtual ice cream, and I protested even virtual ice cream would melt in transit. This ultimately led us to delivery by teleporter, aka Kurt or Azazel. I loved the idea, but it wasn't coming together as a fic, so I decided to make a mock ad. This was the result.
> 
> And this little guy in his Chuck Taylors got me the rest of the way to the story. I decided the service was a father-son operation, and the cute logo was Kurt's idea. Add a reason why Charles and Erik might use this service, ridiculous though it may be, and presto -- one cracky little fic.
> 
> And Azazel's teleportation app is definitely becoming a thing. 🙃

"Erik, we're out of tea," Charles called, sounding almost petulant.

"I know," Erik replied, trying to keep his tone level. "It's on the list."

"I don't care if it's on the list. I need my tea. Can't you go get me some?"

"I'm not driving in a blizzard." Never mind that he could do so in almost perfect safety.

"You could levitate instead."

"It's ten below, and that's Fahrenheit."

Charles pouted, and that was almost, _almost,_ enough to get Erik to agree to Charles' unreasonable demand.

Those sapphire eyes went anime-wide. "Please."

Erik damned near melted. The man was irresistible, even without using his telepathy.

Melted. _Melted._ Erik suddenly remembered an ad he'd seen on his phone the other day. He hadn't bookmarked it, but the name was memorable.

He pulled out his phone and started tapping the screen.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you the perfect pot of tea." _I hope._

He found the number and dialled. A gruff voice answered in Russian. "Да?"

Perfect. Charles didn't speak Russian, so he wouldn't know exactly what Erik was doing, and he also wouldn't breach Erik's trust by reading his thoughts.

Erik placed an order for a pot of English tea, piping hot, gave his credit card info, and hung up. The price was steep, but Charles could afford it, and the look on his face would be so worth it.

"Let's go in your study," Erik suggested.

"What about my tea?" Sulky Charles was definitely sexy Charles.

"Patience, grasshopper. All will be revealed."

"Did you just quote _Kung Fu_ at me?"

"Maybe."

Charles was still chuckling as he wheeled toward his study. Erik trailed behind, taking the chance to enjoy the elegant lines of his neck.

"Quit ogling me." Mock-annoyed.

"Is it my fault you're sex on wheels?"

Charles halted just inside the study door. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

Erik came round and bent to kiss Charles. Charles' hands closed on Erik's shoulders, holding him in place as he deepened the kiss.

Once they came up for air, Charles grinned up at him with kiss-swollen lips. "So did you bring me here for chess? Pour me a scotch since I don't have tea."

Erik shook his head. "Later. Join me on the couch."

Desire gleamed hot in Charles' sapphire eyes, and he hurried to transfer himself onto one end of the couch. Erik took the opportunity to <strike>ogle</strike> appreciate Charles' ass, earning him an amused huff from Charles.

Erik waited until he was settled then sat beside him, slipping an arm around him and pulling him close. He nuzzled Charles' neck, and Charles moaned approval.

"I'd seduce you now, but your surprise should be here any moment."

"Seduce me anyway." Charles' hand slipped behind Erik's head and pulled him forward for another kiss.

But before their lips could meet, there was a soft bamf of displaced air, and a mutant who was the very image of a cartoon devil appeared before them. He was dressed in a sharp charcoal suit and carried a silver tray on which sat a china teapot and two cups. "Your tea," he said in heavily-accented English. "From England."

Charles just stared at him. "My tea?"

"Да. I own delivery service. Devil's Delivery Service. I am Azazel."

"Azazel?"

"My parents had sense of humor."

Charles' gaze flicked back to Erik. "I take it this is the surprise."

Erik grinned. "They promise perfectly-prepared food from anywhere in the world to anywhere in the world, delivered by teleport at the optimum serving temperature. I saw the ad a few days ago, so I called them and ordered your tea."

Azazel set the tea on a side table. "Please. Drink. I must go."

"Would you answer one question first?" Charles asked. Erik could hear the wheels of that fine scientific mind engaging.

Azazel nodded impatiently.

"How do you know where to go? It's not like you've got a mental road map of the world. Or do you?"

Azazel laughed. "No. Got app. Takes caller's gps coordinates." He held up his smartphone, which promptly chimed with a message. "I must go. Ice cream delivery to Arizona."

He disappeared in a cloud of faintly sulfurous smoke.

Charles stared after him in amazement, then laughed. "Oh, that was marvellous. You are the best husband ever."

"Care to prove how much you love me?" Erik's tone was teasing, but he really hoped sex would be on the menu tonight.

"After I drink my tea," Charles said primly.

That was okay. Erik wasn't going anywhere. And neither was Charles.

**Author's Note:**

> And the ice cream delivery to Arizona is mine. Hands off! 😝


End file.
